#what tf jeff

[evoration]

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[fuck-i-like-too-much-stuff]

Me introducing Jeff to my sister in the single most accurate way possible

[vpzllx]

ೃ⁀➷ CREEPYPASTA S/O HEADCANNONS ೃ⁀➷

SYNOPSIS - Just how the creepypasta characters would be like as your s/o :)

PAIRINGS - Jeff the killer x Reader, “Ticci” Toby x Reader, Eyeless Jack x Reader, Ben Drowned x Reader, Hoodie/Brian x Reader.

ೃ⁀➷ JEFF THE KILLER

Tbh Jeff a lil bitch 🤷‍♀️ it’s not like yk he’s js mean n shit even though he’s just mean n shit.

Like for instance say if y’all were just sitting on the couch cuddlin n shit and then someone walks in the room, He’s pushing you off of him immediately.

It’s not like he doesn’t want to be affectionate, He just doesn’t want people seeing, He’d do a casually hug or hold hands around people but he’d never kiss you or anything like that around people idk why 🤷‍♀️

But back to what i said about him being a lil bitch this mf will tease you and tear your ass up 😭, Y’all could be casually play fighting on the bed and he’ll push you off on purpose then laugh at you. Or He would walk up and say some random shit like for expample

Jeff : You built like a capital P

You : what??

He’s just random asf but also When you two are alone oml this man is so vulnerable like he’d cuddle up next to you n shit, To the point that when he breaths out shorty ur breathing in that same air. He loves when u play w his hair even though it’s crusty asf (Please wash his hair)

For rating umm hes like a good 7/10

ೃ⁀➷ “TICCI” TOBY

how do i say this ummm… He’s bipolar and yall both hate it.

It’s so… Like one moment y’all are kissing and wtv then he js pushes you off of him and walks away and your js there like “?? wtf” And then after he’ll come back and kiss you and apologize and again your just like “wtf??” But you don’t mind since he actually apologized.

Attachment issues. He will threaten you if you ever want to leave 😟 or like you tryna go to the store and bitch he js stops you he grabs your wrist and is like “go sit yo ass down” BUT NOT LIKE THAT 😭 and you js go sit down best option tbh.

He likes laying his head in between your thighs for some reason idk like especially if you got em big ol thighs 😍 and when you stroke his hair it’s like love.

When y’all are sleeping together … he’s stiff this man doesn’t move it he falls asleep in one position you will wake up and see him in that same position, And it’s bad to the point when sometimes you gotta check and see if he’s not dead, If he wakes up while your doing so he’s lookin at you like “tf is u doing?”

He’s a good kisser don’t question it but istg, You could be in the kitchen getting something to eat he js walks up behind you flips you facing him and he js kisses you bitch tongue deep in ur mouth (He got that W rizz 🫵😜)

He’s like a good ummm 7/10 too

ೃ⁀➷ EYELESS JACK

He has definitely watched you sleep more than 5 times…

He not tryna be creepy with it he just wants to make sure that you’re sleeping well it’s all outta love. But ngl sometimes he will wake you up by biting your neck n shit but are you really complaining?? Right i didn’t think so.

If you ever cut yourself he’s the number one person for you to go to He was a medical student yk before the whole … scarfice thing … But if your bleeding heavy don’t step within a feet of him, istg he gonna start buggin out and most likely will try to eat you (Outta love tho).

I can say his tongue is very long … ;) Like make out sessions end in a snap then y’all end up fuckin 🤷‍♀️ (we can get to those fuckin headcannons another day 😘).

He used to be a good cook but since he doesn’t eat … people food anymore he just stopped cooking but if you’d ask him to make you something he’d do it for you no questions asked, Like maybe sometimes you’d wake up to breakfast in bed from him 😜.

He’s a quiet person to say the least tho like you barely see him interact with other pastas or wtv tf they called but yeah he’s usually by himself or with you one of the two.

He’s a 10/10 at everything 😘

ೃ⁀➷ BEN DROWNED

He has definitely asked you multiple times if you wanted to film y’all fuckin …

He has made you try playing games mostly horror games or shooters in which either you rage quit or got scared and quit, He enjoys seeing you scared or seeing you js upset and angry.

If your the type of person who brings their phone into the bathroom with them he’d use that as an advantage and js crawl out of ur phone.. He has done that multiple different times.

When y’all hug he either sniffs you or your hair and then your js like “Did he sniff my hair..?” He does it cause he doesn’t wanna forget what you smell like idk why but yk .. Attachment issues.

He always notices little slight things about you. Like you cut your hair a bit..He knows, You just cut your nails..He knows, Just got new underwear..He knows.

He’s most def a 8/10 yk minus the little weird things… 👴

ೃ⁀➷ HOODIE

Yeah um… This man will manipulate and make you think that you’re nothing without him … (outta love tho)

He doesn’t genuinely care abt what you do unless it involves another person specifically another man, That’s when he starts to care.

Since he’s uhm a drug addict he would def try to get you high at some point, and when you do he would record the whole experience js for shits n giggles idk

Also same as ben he has probably asked if you wanted to record yall fuckin but even if you say no he’s not talking at as an answer, He will record it and then after show you … 😟

He likes it mostly when your vulnerable bc he could spew so many lies to you just so you won’t leave him (Best manipulator i’ve ever seen)

When y’all sleep together, you have to be directly laying on top of him or else he’s not sleeping. Period.

He’s a 6/10 (but he’s so fine 😖🫶) Yeah but umm he has a lot of problems …

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I gotta do another one but yk it’s more nice or either it’s gonna be very nsfw 🫵😭

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

This just popped up in my mind and I just wnated you to picture this

So imagine a teen kid coming to the slendermanor and obviously they're a teen so everyone expects them to be loud and trouble in general because teens are teens at the end of the day. Just to find out that the teen is actually very mature because they were forced into a situation where they had to be mature at a young age and they're just quiet(but also have mad good murder tactics). Like i just imagine jeff trying to scare the child for shits and giggles and they just stare at him like 🙂

Summary: Quiet teen reader gets into shenanigans in the manor

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: None

A/n: The battle between Jeff and children is an age old war that I don't see ending anytime soon. ALSO SIDE NOTE, I'm probably gonna be changing up my format for writing majorly soon because im tired of looking at it lolz

Credits: Any Creepypasta characters used- Creepypasta, Divider- saradika-graphics, Picture- Pinterest

Creeps x mature!teen!reader

Generally when kids are brought into the manor, everyone's vibe is "Aw man that's really sad :(" even if they are a teen

Of course, once they get over the sadness, the anxiety starts peeking through

Like not even just teens, all kids are rowdy and annoying so no one really wants to deal with that

So when you get there and you're chill they're like "oh thank god"

No one likes rowdy kids

However, even that can have its hinderances

Like, it's definetly nothing as bad as you being crazy around the manor, but more so just concerning habits

For example, Brian can never do his job as a caretaker, because he'll be coming down the stairs only to see that all of his assigned kids are already out of bed

And when he finally finds them, they are watching T.V

He will ask "Are you guys ready for breakfast?" and they will reply "No thanks, y/n fed us!"

Or E.J, who as we know can't stand dirty things or unhygienic things, will be so confused when that pile of trash he commented on is suddenly gone only a few minutes later

Or his fridge will magically be cleaned out right when he was about to go and do it

Toby will be wondering where on earth his favorite hoodie and hatches went, only to find you out back sharpening and cleaning them, and his hoodie in the washer

Everyone is grateful for your help and all, but it's a little strange?

Like why do you feel the need to do these things? Do you just like helping out or do you feel you need to?

Then there's Ben and Jeff

No fucks given

So what if you're like 13? Jeff was being lit on fire at that age, grow tf up 🙄

Anyways, they both get a kick out of scaring kids

Jeff more than Ben, but it's a fun little friendship activity they do together <333

So when you are exploring the manor one day, suddenly Jeff bumps into you, being waaay nicer than usual

"Hey, y/n! I was just looking for you!"

"Oh, Hello Jeff. Did you need something?"

He'll grin real big and hold your shoulders "Yeah, I just need to test something real quick, so don't move. Just stay exactly like this, kay?"

You nod and do as told, but Jeff doesn't move either, he just stands still, still holding onto your shoulders and staring into your eyes

You then feel a chill go up your spine, and all of a sudden a horrifying warped face that looks as if it was straight out of an analog horror jumps right in front of you

You do jump a little, but other than that, there's no reaction

Jeff immediately drops the act and lets go of you "Ugh, really? Whatever loser, I'll go find someone else to scare"

And with that, he stomps off, but Ben stays for a little bit, his face still contorted into that scary one

He wiggles his fingers and makes an "Oooooo" sound before also walking off behind Jeff

They lose interest in you very quickly after realizing you won't give them a satisfactory reaction

[dolliedyhard]

🔪Jeff The Killer Headcanons🔪 [PART 1]

I think is about time I posted my headcanons for him! BOY I did not plan this post to be sooooooo long, I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY OMGGG!!! I LUV HIM SO MUCH (  ੭꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)੭ ᰔ. I might have to make this into a multiple part series on my blog. These are all hc’s for adult Jeff, I have completely different ones for when he was a teen and I’ll make one for teen Jeff later on. None of these hc’s involve his relationship with Dollie or other pastas, this is all about him. All of this is SFW. Enjoy <3

AU: Paracosm of the Vagabonds

‼️TW: mentions of self harm‼️

♥︎A/N: btw this is my first time making/posting hc’s so plz don’t jump me if they’re bad- (/ _ ; )

♥︎Appearance & Attributes♥︎

He’s 25 y/o

6’4

Straight

White American

Full name is Jeffery Woods. I’ve always liked his name the way it was so I’m not changing it.

Muscular and lean. He’s got more of a sleeper build tho.

Despite being lit of fire he managed to heal his hair, it’s healthy now.

He loves keeping his hair long. He’ll never CONSIDER cutting it short. His hair is one of his favorite parts of himself.

He for certain wants his hair to be down to his waist one day

Hair type is 1c

Jeff’s hair is naturally brown. When the “incident” happened the fire made his hair temporarily black. (Ik that’s not how real logic works but cmon let me have fun >:c)

After a few months his hair went back to brown

Now he dyes his hair black bc he prefers it that way.

His tattoos don’t mean anything, he just got them because he thought they were cool.

He smells like incense and ash most of the time.

If he decided to finally wash his clothes then he smells like clean laundry.

He doesn’t wear cologne, he’s never cared for it.

He showers like twice a week. For the rest of the week he just wipes himself down this a cloth.

At least he uses a soap cloth (oh thank GOD)

When “the incident” happened his face scars would constantly bleed and wouldn’t close.

It was really sensitive and if he smiled or laughed to hard it would gush out again.

It took multiple years for the wound to permanently close.

It’s completely healed now it’s just deformed skin

The scars on his body are from fights, him doing stupid shit or self harm.

He’s not hairy, some underarm hair but that’s all

His veins are most visible in his forearms and hands

I don’t have a voice claim for him (YET!) but his voice is pretty deep and it has a raspy sound to it

He has dark circles under his eye from staying up for days at end

He got some sharp ass canine teeth. In my AU he got bit by a vampire. He didn’t get turned into one bc the transformation was stopped right after his vamp fang came in.

Warm to the touch. Doesn’t matter what season it is, his body manages to retain a significant amount of body heat.

His skin is very pale due to lack of sunlight and frequent blood loss.

♥︎Personality♥︎

When meeting him for the first time he comes off as an asshole.

He insults everyone and it’s hard to hell if he’s joking or not.

And if he’s really pissed he’ll get REAL creative with the insults.

Swears like a sailor

He’s distant and off putting to people that aren’t in his circle.

He loves showing off and will do it no matter what. Even if the circumstances are dangerous.

Jeff loves stroking his ego, it’s so obnoxious but he could care less.

Lowkey thinks he better than everyone

LAWD he’s handsome and he knows it

Doesn’t care about ur personal space

Will creep up on u to whisper shit in ur ear to scare you. And other stuff like that.

Gives people the nastiest stares of all time. And I dare u too say something to him about it, he’ll square TF UP.

Says some really offensive shit but he doesn’t care if you get upset because of it.

And he’ll say it loud and proud no matter how much of a dumbass he looks like saying it.

Jeff’s one of the most defiant proxies in the mansion

He listens to NO ONE and hates more than anything to be bossed around.

Though he partially listens to Slenderman, yk, bc he has to so he can live in the mansion. Masky too bc he’s Slenderman’s right hand man.

Can’t laugh like a normal person to save his life

Like he’s literally out of breath, red face, everything

“How do I befriend him?!?” I hear you say

Like I said before he loves his ego being satisfied so u could just blow smoke up his ass.

But to him you’ll be more like a “fan” than a friend.

And he will just use you for his benefit. He’ll step all over u since you’ve shown ur willing to be submissive to him ＿|￣|○

Show him you’re not to be fucked with but not to be intimidated by.

For Jeff it’s more about if you guys get along and have a good time together than having the same interests.

Jeff only plays favorites if he has a crush on you

Oh boy is he one petty motherfucker… He holds grudges over anything with anyone and is very vengeful.

He’s quick to temper too. He’ll go into a rage induced episodes and they can last for days at a time.

That’s due to his IED (Intermittent Explosive Disorder) and just him being a fucked up person.

He also has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

He’s not trying to manage his IED by being more laidback and comedic but that’s not really helping.

Not a big fan of animals. So if you were to ask him what is fav animal was he wouldn’t say any.

♥︎Interests♥︎

Wannabe lead guitarist

He’s not good enough to be the lead but his ego says otherwise.

He owns a sick ass guitar tho

Started out being emo in his early teens, now he’s more of a metal head.

(I don’t know much about nu-metal or any metal at ALL so I can’t rlly say who his favs are. SORRY IM AN EMO FUCK AT HEART OKAY???)

Listens to goth music occasionally too

Loves going to concerts no matter who’s performing

If you happen to bring up a band he’s seen live before he will 100% without fail say “I saw them live at _!” And will proceed to info dump about what went down.

Even worse if they were in their prime when he went.

Fashion wise he dresses alternative but it’s nothing fancy.

A band tee + hoodie or jacket, jeans, shoes (cons, or boots), for accessories belt and some spikes bracelets. That’s about it :v

And yes he does consider his piercings as accessories.

Paints his nails black on special occasions

Likes to collect weird stuff

His biggest collection is of knifes

Some of them are ornamental and some he actually uses to kill

He gets the money to fuel his collection off the dead bodies of his victims

Also has a strange fascination with history

Specifically historical torture methods & atrocities

Sometimes he uses the same torture methods he learned about on his victims.

HUGE HORROR NERD

He collects dvds of slasher & horror movies

And of course you can’t forget about the vintage TV to play them on!

He’s not a fan of snuff films or gore videos

It just takes out the art out of film making. Why should he watch uninspired shock gore for 0% satisfaction when he can go cause it for 100% satisfaction?

♥︎Killing♥︎

To Jeff killing is something he does for 3 things. Survival, satisfaction, and emotional regulation.

Once he’s got you in his grasp you won’t make it out alive.

Jeff commits the worst murders when he’s having a IED or BPD episode.

He’s not a kidnapper type serial killer

He likes to get the job done by the end of the day at the longest

He loves the taste of blood and often licks it off his knife

He thinks he can train himself to be able to taste the differences between blood types.

He just likes inflicting pain on complete strangers, it’s thrilling to him.

And it’s usually not a stab and go kill, when he first started out that’s how it was bc it was more for survival.

Now Jeff has the taste for blood. And he’s got some horrifyingly creative ways to extract it.

Nowadays you’ll be lucky if it’s a stab and go. His goal is to make sure u feel the agony, every. second. of. it.

He would never consider hurting someone close to him, that would severely fuck with him.

Since the murder of his family he has no one. So he cherishes the few people close to him a lot more than he used to.

He’s never had any regrets about any of the many murders he has committed.

The one and only time he’s ever felt bad about inflicting violence on someone is his older brother Liu.

♥︎Vices♥︎

Jeff is a regular smoker (hence why he smells like ash)

He’s able to blow different shapes out of smoke

Prefers cigarettes over anything else

Hates vapes tho, he think they make you look like a massive pussy.

He’ll flat out refuse to fw you if you whip out your fruity-tuti flavored e-stick when yall go on a smoke break.

Jeff’s not a big drinker

Drinking just ups his already high sex drive to the max and he acts like a complete idiot when he’s drunk. Then after all that his hangover is fucking hell.

At the most he’ll get a bit tipsy cause the boost in arousal makes sex tenfold better.

Jeff’s never done any hard drugs and doesn’t care to.

Who needs a drug addiction when you have a murder addiction?

Okay so about the self harm earlier…

♥︎A/N: Btw in my au Jeff had a much shitter life than the og Jeffery Woods so all of this with context makes sense.

Jeff doesn’t s/h anymore but did it heavily in his teens before he went crazy.

His life was genuinely a miserable hellscape that was picking at his sanity and at every turn it only got worse.

His mother and father didn’t care about him at all. The only person that actually cared and loved Jeff was Liu. But Liu rarely showed any affection towards Jeff so it didn’t really matter how Liu felt about him.

No one knew what Jeff was doing to himself up until he ended up in the hospital with the gashes on his cheeks.

You have reached the end. TYSM FOR READING!!!

I hope you enjoyed reading my headcanons, and I will be doing more hc’s in the future for other creepypastas.

Stay frosty❄️ BAIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!

[uncannyencore]

what type of bitch every creepypasta is💀

What type of bitch every creepypastas is💀😭

Jeff the killer - the type of bitch who will act like he’s cool but is suddenly scared when you pull out a lighter.

Slenderman - the type of bitch who acts like a mom

Ben drowned - the type of bitch who purposely annoys everyone

Sally - the type of bitch who pretends to be innocent but she’s really a little trouble maker

Puppeteer - the type of bitch who will manipulate you and than gaslight you.

Eyeless Jack - the type of bitch who would use you as a dummy for medical practice lmao

Jason the Toymaker - the type of bitch who hoards all of his belongings 

Laughing Jack - the type of bitch who makes really shitty jokes that only a few think are actually funny

Laughing Jill - the type of bitch who gives off horse girl vibes.

Nathan the nobody - the type of bitch that has way to bad anger issues

Nina the killer - the type of bitch that acts like a pick me.

Lazari - the type of bitch you would have to push off a building just to get her to move

Jane the killer - the type of bitch who makes every argument about Jeff

Ticci-Toby - the type of bitch who will cause an accident and then say “wasn’t me.” Then blame it on one of his close friends.

Masky - the type of bitch who needs to chill tf out on smoking and alcohol 

Hoodie - the type of bitch who seems really straight but he’s really gay with Masky.

Candy Pop - the type of bitch that has mood swings worse than a woman on her period.

Vine the DollMaker - the type of bitch that sits like L and will threaten you with scissors 

Lulu - the type of bitch who is really shy

Suicide Sadie - the type of bitch who will start an argument with you and then beat the shit out of you

Kagekao - the type of bitch who gives everyone ‘cutesy’ nicknames…

Trenderman - the type of bitch who will hold a whole ass photoshoot at the mansion 

Offenderman - the type of bitch who is literally, canonically, a rapist.

Splendorman - the type of bitch who isn’t actually a bitch and is just really fucking wholesome and sweet 

Nurse Ann - the type of bitch who has resting bitch face.

Papa grande - the type of bitch who acts and sounds like Caine from TADC 

Smile dog - the type of bitch who will bite you….cause why tf not?

Dr. Smiley - the type of bitch who will just randomly start manically laughing outta no where.

Hobo heart - the type of bitch who will literally steal your heart

Asylum Nancy  - the type of bitch who is way too fucking happy and hyper up all the damn time

Stripes - the type of bitch who will have a full on mental breakdown because they saw something adorable or saw a fit, beautiful woman and got jealous 

Sadiya - the type of redneck, cowgirl, western bitch.

Clockwork - the type of bitch who will punch you when she laughs

Zero - the type of bitch who always fucking brags about how cool she is.

homicidal liu since @my-jukebox reminded me!: The type of bitch that has his inner emo alpha wolf side.

[tryingtofindava]

eyeless jack dating headcanons pls :)

𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬*ೃ༄

: ̗̀➛Back to source

He broke into your apartment with the intentions of harvesting your organs.

When he held the scalpel to your hip, and you began to stir awake. Mf froze.

Oh shit.

“What the fuck?”

Now bro only kills to eat, and when he does, he make sure it’s as painless for the victim as possible (unless he’s in a frenzy).

And That so called victim being awake? That just makes it 100x harder to get the task done.

And when you wake up to see a 6’6 man with an oddly terrifying blue mask holding a scalpel to your hip?

You (rightfully) freak tf out.

He’s not a sadist like some ppl… (cough Jeff Cough) So he probably awkwardly retreated back out to your window.

Anywayssss.

To the actual dating headcanons now.

You guys probably had a longgggggg ass slow burn. (not the only thing that’s long…)

The two of you definitely acted like a couple, before you were ACTUALLY a couple iykwim.

You find it so cool that your bfs a demon. He doesn’t really understand your excitement about it, since it’s literally a curse for him.

This boy is a walking furnace, he’s so cozy. So lots of winter cuddle sessions. Also perfect for when you on your period.

He purrs in his sleep. You can’t change my mind. You guys be cuddling on the couch all cute n’ shit and then there’s this soft buzzing sound… You crack open your eyes to look at him. His head on your lap as he naps.

“Babe… Are you purring?”

You asked with the biggest grin ever.

“…No.”

He likes when you read to him, he struggles to see (ik ik, he’s eyeless n shit, but I like to think he can still see, it’s js rlly rlly blurry or he has that heat vision where he can see body temps.) So when you can’t read to him, he just listens to audio books.

He’s a gentle giant towards you, y’all literally so cute. AND A GENTLEMAN🤭 he’s the whole damn package (minus the whole… cannibal eating ppl thing.)

He has animalistic like senses. So he can hear, and smell very well. So he can smell when you change your perfume or shampoo.

Imagine him leaning down to hug you (since you’re prob shorter than this tall ahh mf, nah seriously use the Hikaku sitatter site) and his face is buried in the crook of your neck. He’ll say shit like-

“Did you change you’re perfume to Miss Dior Eau De Parfum 30ml?”

“Wha-“

When he started getting comfortable taking his mask off around you, everytime he does you call him ‘Pretty boy’ 🤭.

HE WILL FOLD. Partially bcs he likes getting praised. Partially bcs he’s not a fan of the whole demon look.

His morning voice is literally so sexy help. Frothing at the mouth, on my knees barking.

Yk when you have like a sore head, and then you ask Google what’s up and Google’s all like ‘lol bitch you’re gonna die.’ You ask him about it obviously freaked out and he had to reassure your fine.

Walks in the rain at like 4am.

Every time he sees you, he’ll give you a quick forehead kiss.

Pls pls pls pls pls pls pls, I’m begging you. On my knees and begging for you to not look inside his mini fridge he has sitting in your storage room. Thank u.

He’s got some pretty gnarly things in there. Just be thankful he has the decency to not cross contaminate that shit with your food.

You guys slow dance in the kitchen to Mitski. He spins you around and all that cute shit.

He’s overprotective of you, and when you do get him to come out in public with you, he will growl at anyone that gets a little too close for his likings.

Wearing his hoodie<3. It just makes his dead heart happy.

SASSY MAN APOCALYPSE‼️💯💥

He may seem all quiet and sweet. But he’s sassy af. This. Dude. Has. Attitude.

When you’re telling him to do something in a tone, he’ll mouth you’re words with his hands.

When you guys are cuddling in your bed at night, he’ll randomly nibble on your neck to shoulder. He has sharp ass teeth so it’s a bit nippy, but he makes sure to be extra careful to not draw blood.

He smothers you when you’re under the weather. He’s literally so sweet omfg.

When you guys argue which is like 10% of the time, it takes awhile for him to get agitated. But even when he does he will NEVER raise his hands to you. Other than that he keeps calm.

He will though, get a bit mean, he probably doesn’t mean what he says it’s just a defence mechanism.

He makes it up to you with a cute little gift basket (he stole it.)

Y’all have probably kissed, and he still had the taste of blood in his mouth from eating someone’s kidneys<3

He can’t steal your organs but he can deffo rearrange them ;)

✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•

[austronauts]

we need to talk about mitch’s interview on 32 thoughts can u please gather around

first of all mitch sounds so congested it’s no wonder he’s always sneef snorfing

i’ve never heard mitch sound more articulately authoritative than when talking about the evolution of building in fortnite (also jeff and elliotte enthusiastically guffawing in reaction to mitch talking about fortnite LIKE THEY HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT HE MEANS lmao)

apparently the leafs teammate he plays the most video games with is RYAN REAVES. for about an hour and a half after leafs games to unwind. REAVO. and MITCH. mitch also made sure to point out that reavo has TWO KIDS and is a busy father bc of course he did. “this busy working father of two still makes time after a long grueling workday for me :3” mitchell marner do u hear urself?

also u know how uncles hate mitch bc he plays video games and wears hats and hits the griddy instead of benching testosterroni pizza at the gym to get swole, and they had hopes that reavo would bully mitch into growing tf up and being a MAN - well. the reavo in question is dialed in on CoD with mitch marner rn taking out NPC’s. lol and lmao even

mitch mentions zeus so many times like. so many times. he also takes the time to explain “zeus, my chocolate lab” as if every human and dog in canada don’t already know mitch’s dog is a chocolate lab named zeus.

he mentions his dog so much i got confused when mitch started talking about “the dogg” aka nathan mackinnon bc i was like wait zeus did what now

his story about him and nate at biosteel camp had me GIGGLING bc you can so see nate doing exactly this: “i skated with [nate] at biosteel camp a couple of yrs ago. i didn't make a play to him & you would've thought it was an olympic gold medal game based on how he was talking to me on the bench. i was like 'nate. we're sitting here at this camp. what do you want me to do?’”

obviously i know mitch and nate are fond of each other (the dynamics of which in itself are so funny to me)

but i just love how nate has been like: ohhhh tiny nerdy mitch i wish i could kidnap him and take him to colorado what a great little marns

and then mitch is like: that man is insane!! he yelled at me!!!!!!!

mitch got all modest and shy when asked what it would be like to be on a line with nate representing canada in the olympics and demurred like “ohhhh gosh 🥹🥺 well first i have to make the team and it would just be an HONOUR to be chosen for such a thing 🥹🥺 im just little ole me” like…first of all ok girl we all know ur gonna be there

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

There is nothing left for Jey to do on Raw… we know he not getting another title shot, especially from Sami so from now, until he gets thrown back into the bloodline story he will be in dumbass matches that do him no good…

Shoulda just drafted his ass to SD and let him take the title from Logan Paul… but hey, what the hell do I know? I’m just a fanfic writer 🤷🏽‍♀️😒

Matt and Jeff Hardy were single champions so why tf can’t Jimmy and Jey have a couple of single title runs???

All they want that man for is his entrance and it’s sad. Homie has had the most matches out of ANYONE on the entire WWE roster and yall wanna keep him off the one of the biggest PLEs of the year?

FOH

And when Jimmy does come back.

Work on his damn character! We get it he’s a player hater but damn, can we get some fucking story progression! Like WHY did he go back to Roman? That shit made no sense…

Jimmy can still be goofy but he can win matches too! He doesn’t need to be SmackDowns resided bitch boy shits weird,

when it comes to The USOs it seems like creative doesn’t give a fuck. Them men have been busting their asses for 14+ years.

14 years of GREAT proms , GREAT matches just for them to be reduced to Yeet vs No Yeet?

I HATE BEING AN USOS FAN RIGHT NOW! I WANT BETTER FOR OUR FAVES AND IT LOOKS LIKE WERE NOT GON A GET IT NO TIME SOON.

[theguywholikedmusicals42]

It feels so absurd to me that none of the Starkids have a Tumblr?? What do you mean Joey Richter Jon Matteson and Jeff Blim aren't on the bizarro website but they all have a Twitter account??? Tf?? Jaime Lyn Beatty is on REDDIT but not on TUMBLR it doesn't add UP

[ultram0th]

31 Days of Derek Hale

Day 31: Tyler Hoechlin to Derek Hale TF

Info │ 01 │ 02 │ 03 │ 04 │ 05 │ 06 │ 07 │ 08 │ 09 │ 10 │ 11 │ 12 │ 13 │ 14 │ 15 │ 16 │ 17 │ 18 │ 19 │ 20 │ 21 │ 22 │ 23 │ 24 │ 25 │ 26 │ 27 │ 28 │ 29 │ 30 │ 31 🎃

Happy Halloween everyone! I hope you all enjoyed this Derek Hale Tf Marathon! It was so much fun to make, and I hope that you all liked what I put out!

-- -- --

Actor Tyler Hoechlin filtered through some emails to waste time before he had to get ready. The actor was supposed to make an appearance at some celebrity Halloween party for photo ops. He wasn’t above taking a picture here and there, but he hadn’t even began to think about a costume, nor had his assistant just grabbed one for him.

“I could just wear a bedsheet and go as a ghost?” Tyler chuckled to himself, thinking that it’d be so lame that it’d be good.

He deleted several emails from casting agents who thought that he’d be great in one of their low-budget horror movies that was supposed to go straight to steaming services. Tyler couldn’t help but grimace at doing anything horror related.

After spending so many years being cast as Derek Hale on Teen Wolf, the last thing he wanted to do was something spooky-ish, lest he risk being typecasted. Already, the actor played Superman on Superman & Lois, but he still had several people on the street referring to him as “Derek”. Of course, Tyler was grateful that so many fans appreciated his work on the MTV series, but there was a part of him that was ready to let the role go.

Which was why he’d frowned deeply at the email from Jeff Davis, the creator of Teen Wolf. Tyler begrudgingly clicked on it, scanning it a little until he got to the reason for the reaching out:

“…MTV is interested in rebooting the Teen Wolf series, and after the negative reception of the movie, the producers have decided not to count it as canon. Can we count on you to return as Beacon Hills’s resident Alpha, Derek Hale?”

Not even bothering to respond to it, Tyler moved the mouse towards the garbage icon to delete it. Before he could click it, his laptop screen flickered and an odd electric shock sparked out, actually shocking Tyler.

The actor recoiled his hand at the sensation, the electric shock sending a tingling feeling throughout the rest of his body for a brief moment.

“What the hell?” Tyler wondered aloud. He closed his laptop and shoved himself away from his desk, making a mental note to buy a new laptop tomorrow since his was obvious short-circuiting. 

He glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed, seeing that he was supposed to start getting ready for the party. Tyler rubbed his temples and walked towards the bathroom so that he could start getting ready. 

As he undressed, the actor could feel a little apprehension starting to seep into his bones about attending the party. The normally social Tyler Hoechlin, for some unknown reason, began to frown at the thought of being at a stuffy Halloween party that was going to be packed with people, wall to wall. The thought of being trapped in a room, shoulder to shoulder, with other people made Tyler shudder, and he began to think of reasons to bail. He thought that it was odd, but he chalked it up to his social battery just being abnormally low that night.

Still, Tyler told himself that he couldn’t just be a no-show. He’d promised his friend and previous costar, Dylan O’Brien, that he’d show up and the two could catch up over a drink.

Tyler could’ve sworn that his heart started to race in his chest for some reason, his limbs tingling with excitement. “What’s going on?” he mumbled to himself, confused as to why he seemed to be so giddy to see Dylan. “It’s just Stiles. I saw him last week…”

He coughed and cleared his throat, having no clue why he’d accidentally referred to Dylan as his old character, Stiles. Tyler shook it off and hopped into the shower. As he bathed, Tyler couldn’t seem to get Dylan out of his head.

“What is going on with me?” he asked himself, wondering why he couldn’t get the man’s dimples out of his mind. What was even weirder to the man was that his cock started to plump up, sticking straight out in front of him.

Tyler had never had a gay thought in his life, and despite seeing all of the Sterek fan art online, he’d never entertained the thought of him and Dylan together. Yet, for some unknown reason, the more he pictured his toned, mole-spotted body, his cock throbbed even harder.

“Fuck it,” Tyler grunted as he wrapped his fingers around his cock, pumping away.

Tyler was so lost in the pleasure that rippled throughout his body as he jerked off, bellowing out low moans the entire time. His free hand ran over his muscled chest, his fingers running through the thick pelt of chest hair—

“Wh-what?” Tyler grunted as he looked down, still playing with his throbbing cock as he stared down at his previously smooth chest. Despite having just shaved his pecs earlier that morning for some pictures as the smooth-chested Superman, Tyler’s chest was now covered in thick, black chest hair. The hairs covered his meaty pecs and ran down his stomach, connecting to his bush by a noticeable happy trail. “What the hell’s goin’ on?”

Tyler’s confusion was briefly forgotten when all of his large muscles tensed up, and his cock erupted with a spray of cum, shooting a large load against the linoleum of his shower. 

The stud was left panting, leaning against the other wall of the shower as he tried to catch his breath. Tyler ran a shaky hand through his wet hair, trying to piece together the fact that not only was his chest hairy, but he’d also just jerked off to another guy— one of his past costars at that.

“I guess Stiles is kinda cute,” he begrudgingly muttered, flinching for a second. “Um, I mean Dylan.”

Tyler finished up his shower and dried himself off in a daze, struggling to wrap his head around what was going on. He knew that something was up, but whenever he tried to concentrate on it, a new growing part of his brain told him not to worry about it. Even as he dried off his hairy chest, his panic that he knew should’ve been there was barely audible.

The actor was puzzling over it as he lumbered back to his bedroom to get dressed. He opted to grab a nice designer suit of out his closet, one that was supposed to make him look like 007. Yet, when Tyler pulled on the white button shirt, he huffed in irritation over how tight it felt.

“Damn it,” he grunted, unable to close the top four buttons of the shirt over his broad chest muscles. He tried his best to suck in his stomach in order to make himself smaller, but his fuzzy pecs were too large to fit into the tiny shirt. His wide back muscles were far too wide, and his biceps threatened to tear the expensive fabric to shreds. Tyler could’ve sworn that the shirt had fit him perfectly at the store, yet now it was at least two sizes too small for him.

With an annoyed huff, Tyler tossed the shirt to the floor and stomped over to his wardrobe to find something that would fit over his muscles. As he stared at the expensive clothes in his closet, Tyler couldn’t help but feel a large bubble of animosity start to form in his gut. The thought of parading around in such garish and over-priced threads was almost repulsive to him.

Without a second thought, Tyler hurried over to his dresser and yanked on a tight, gray tank top that barely fit over his large muscles. He pulled on some worn blue jeans that hugged his butt nicely. As the finishing piece, Tyler snatched a black leather jacket out of his closet and shrugged it on, feeling much more at home in it than he would some brand name suit.

Tyler paused to look at himself in the mirror before exiting his house, noting that he looked like he was wearing his usual outfit that his character Derek Hale wore on the set of Teen Wolf. He snickered and rolled his eyes, but then gasped.

“What the hell…?” his voice trailed off when he leaned in closer to the mirror, his eyes honing in on his teeth. As impossible as it seemed, Tyler could’ve sworn that his canines were bigger. They stood out much more prominently than the rest of his teeth, looking like the actor was wearing caps over them, trying to make them look larger and sharper. “I, uh, I guess these are supposed to be the sharper teeth… Shit!”

Tyler jerked back in surprise at the way his smooth, freshly shaven chin was now covered in a trimmed beard. The way his sideburns connected to it indicated that Tyler must’ve been growing out his facial hair over the course of a few days, maybe even weeks. However, he knew for a fact that he’d shaved his face not even an hour ago, letting him know that something was indeed wrong.

In disbelief, the hairier hunk grabbed at the hairs covering his chin, shocked that they were real and attached to him.

His heart began to race in his beefy chest, but he was quickly distracted when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Despite himself, Tyler snatched it out and glanced at the screen, his stomach doing flips when he read that it was a text from Stiles/Dylan.

Hey! I’m at the party! You’re coming, right? it read.

Tyler couldn’t ignore the giddy excitement that rippled through him, and he caught himself smiling like a goofball, his larger canines poking out of his mouth.

On my way, he responded, grabbing his keys and leaving his house. 

Tyler rushed over to his garage and opened the door, not even thinking twice before hopping into his black Camaro instead of his Tesla before he sped down the street towards the party, eager to see Stiles— or Dylan.

He floored the gas pedal as he rushed to the party, irritated when he hit a red light. Tyler groaned impatiently and rested his head against the headrest in irritation. His eyes glanced towards the rearview mirror, and Tyler gasped at what he saw.

He almost tore the rearview mirror off of its fixture as he leaned closer, seeing that his brow appeared much more prominent than it should’ve. That, and his eyebrows were missing for some reason. His ears had elongated, ending in points that protruded far off his head.

Tyler ran a disbelieving hand over his facial features, feeling ridiculous. He had just enough awareness to recall looking in the mirror on the set of Teen Wolf, seeing the same exact look whenever he was made up into Derek Hale’s beta form. Yet, he could feel the nerve endings whenever he touched his new canine ears, paling at what that indicated—

HONK! 

The car behind him blared its horn as the light turned green, snapping Tyler out of his panic.

Tyler just bared his teeth in the mirror and continued on his way. All of the cars on the road, the bright lights of the city, and the too poppy songs on the radio all seemed to get under the stud’s skin, and a firm scowl planted itself onto his handsome face.

It wasn’t long until Tyler pulled up in front of a large convention center that had a valet service up front. He stopped and got out of his Camaro, unable to hold back the intimidating snarl when he tossed the valet his keys.

“There better not be a scratch on it when I get back,” he muttered, noting the deeper quality to his voice. He cleared his throat as he walked up towards the entrance where a large bouncer stood, clipboard in hand.

“Name?” the bouncer asked.

“Derek Hale,” Tyler answered automatically, flinching and clearing his throat again. “Sorry about that, my name’s Der— er, Tyler Hoechlin.” He didn’t know why saying his name seemed like some Herculean feat, the actor having to clench his fists in order to get it out of his mouth.

The bouncer simply looked down at the list on the clipboard before nodding and ushering Tyler inside.

Tyler rubbed at his temples as he tried to piece together what was happening. However, the second he stepped foot inside, all of his senses appeared to have heightened as they were all assaulted at once. 

Tyler winced at the onslaught of stimuli: the lights in the room were far too bright and he had to nearly squint in order to adjust his sight; the music was blaring out of the speakers, blasting at a near deafening volume; and the stench of overpriced alcohol singed his nostrils, making him grimace. The stud was ready to about face until a familiar scent wafted by.

It took a few seconds for Tyler to realize that he’d been sniffing at the air like a search dog, blushing once he’d been made aware of the other celebrities eying him confusedly. Still, the familiar smell of curly fries alerted him to someone else’s presence, and he found himself barreling through the crowd towards the source.

Tyler’s gaze honed in on Stiles, the cute guy standing over by one of the tables. He was dressed in a suit that had a red coat that made Tyler’s heart flutter in his chest. Immediately, he felt his scowl starting to loosen up the slightest bit, and the more he approached, the quicker Tyler noticed the other guy talking to Stiles.

“Grrr…” Tyler growled out of instinct. As soon as the animalistic sound left his lips, the shocked stud slapped a hand over his mouth. He had no idea why he’d literally just growled like a dog, but once he looked back over at Stiles and the other man talking, he couldn’t prevent the sound from uttering from his lips once more, his large chest vibrating from the noise.

Stiles picked up on the noise and looked over in his direction, smiling and waving him over. “Hey!” he called.

Tyler ceased growling and couldn’t prevent the wide smile from growing on his face as he hurried over to his boyfriend— or past costar. As Tyler was trying to figure out why he was so eager to see the other guy, he wasn’t even aware of the fact that he wrapped a possessive arm around Stiles’s waist, pulling the smaller guy closer into him.

Stiles turned to the other man. “Jeff, you remember Derek, right?” he asked before furrowing his brow in confusion.

The other guy just looked over at Tyler and nodded. “I sure do,” he grinned, holding out his hand for Derek to shake. 

At first, the werewolf just sneered at the other man’s hand, jealousy still coursing through his veins. However, after a slight nudge from Stiles, Derek begrudgingly took it and squeezed it tightly, enjoying the slight wincing from the other man. “Nice to meet you,” he grunted.

Jeff didn’t look too fazed. “As I was telling Dylan, er, Stiles over here,” he said, “I was hoping to hear more about your stories in Beacon Hills. I’m with a large production company that would love to—”

“Not interested,” Derek interrupted, having absolutely zero desire to have his pack’s business advertised in any manner. He was as anti-social as they came, and the idea of talking to some big shot production guy made his headache grow.

Jeff frowned. “…yeah, I guess I did write him like this…”

Derek ignored that, and instead held on tightly to Stiles as he led him out of the crowd of people and towards the exit. They left the convention center and handed the valet the ticket.

“Der,” Stiles piped up, looking just as confused as he was, “um, how the hell did we get in LA?”

Derek’s brow furrowed too as he scratched at the back of his head. He felt like something was wrong, hearing some quiet voice in the back of his head that said that he wasn’t an alpha werewolf. For a brief second, his hairy muscles felt far too big and he wondered why he was so turned on by another man. However, the voice was immediately silenced when Stiles interlocked his fingers with his.

“No fuckin’ clue,” Derek finally said, shaking his head as he took the keys back from the valet. He and Stiles got into the Camaro, and Derek sped down the street back towards Beacon Hills. 

The alpha werewolf rested his arm around the headrest of Stiles’s seat, the motion making his large biceps stretch his leather jacket slightly. Stiles leaned in closer to him, resting his head on his broad shoulder. Derek couldn’t help but puff out his hairy chest with pride, his inner wolf howling with content.

Derek Hale smiled widely, absolutely loving his life.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

This is a meta on Our Flag Means Death episode 5: The Best Revenge Is Dressing Well, Sir Godfrey Thornrose, The scene where he calls Ed a donkey, and so called "race science."

It has come to my attention that some of you apparently do not know what a phrenologist is.

*a note: I'm going to for the purposes of this assume that the guy played by Jeff Lorch is sir Godfrey Thornrose, I do not know this for certain but in my opinion even if he is not Thornrose the same principles still apply to him for reasons I will discuss in this meta.

So lets recap the scenes I want to touch on. At the beginning of episode 5 Stede is teaching Ed how to identify rich people cutlery like they're Barney Thompson and Vivian Ward in pretty woman. Stede bitches at Thornrose for not having enough spoons for Stede's liking. Thornrose responds "My apologies, I hadn't imagined we'd be hosting your kind."

Ed responds "My kind, what kind"

to which Godfrey responds "A rich donkey is still a donkey."

Ed then proceeds to scream at him and then orders Fang to skin him with a snail fork before throwing him overboard. To which Fang presumably responds by either skinning him with a normal skinning implement or forgoing the skinning step and just throwing him overboard, because who tf has time to skin a man with a snail fork.

I've seen some dogshit takes on this scene. I've seen it treated as evidence that Ed is exceptionally violent or abusive or has mood swings or anger issues or whatever bullshit. And I... Do Not Agree. You'll see why.

The next scene I want us to have in our back pocket is the first couple scenes with Gabriel and Antionette. When Gabriel and Antionette introduce themselves to Ed and Stede they reveal that Sir Godfrey Thornrose is a quote "Master Phrenologist." Stede is then expected to study Antionette's head. When he does he introduces his fake craft as "Phrenology, which is the study of the human head." He then takes a wild guess as to Antionette's heritage based on her skull lumps.

Content warning for like real old school racism ahead.

The reason Stede goes for the heritage is because Phrenology is a pseudoscience closely linked to other contemporary race science of the time. It was the idea that bumps on your head, thought to be caused by the pressure of the brain, could be used to identify your personality traits.

Phrenology gets really fucking racist, really fucking fast. Phrenology was used as proof that the white race was superior to other races, and as a justification for slavery and eugenics. Eugenics is the idea that you can improve society through breeding out "bad genes", which is almost universally popular among all types of racists, but the Nazis were big fans of it and there's a direct through line between the race scientists in the 1700s who were into phrenology and modern hate groups and neo nazis. I wanted to use an image here as an example of racist phrenology texts, but it's rough and I don't want to make a cut so I'm just going to link to the wordpress anthropology article I found the picture in, it's sourced and an alright place to start if you're into further reading.

With this information, I would like to use another example, that is relevant to the ethnicities in contention. A French physician who attracted huge crowds with his phrenology lectures, François-Joseph-Victor Broussais, once claimed that Maori people (as well as indigenous Australians) could never become civilized since he claimed they had no cerebral organ for producing great artists.

This is the context in which we need to understand the exchange between Ed and the French captain. I've seen some people claim it's about class and not about race, but Thornrose acknowledges Ed's wealth when he says a rich donkey is still a donkey. It doesn't matter to a man like Thornrose what Ed does or how rich he is or how well he can learn his fucking forks, he's still akin to an animal in this skull molesting freak's racist little mind. If a phrenologist, or even someone who's rubbing elbows with a phrenologist, calls a man of color a donkey they're clearly saying he's an uncivilized animal based on the shape of his face. That's how racists operate.

And Sir Godfrey Thornrose is not just any old racist, he's a racist spreading his ideology to other people, convincing them that people like Ed are inferior, that people like him should be subjugated by white people. He is clocking in for his shift at the racism factory creating more racists.

So basically what I'm saying is Ed should skin him, no quarter for genocidal maniacs. Basically I can tell you're either racist sympathetic or talking out of your ass if you think French captain was fucked up. It was antifascist direct action and I don't want to hear another word about it. I personally believe the only thing you can't come back from is death in terms of being a better person. I also believe that there are situations in which killing someone is more or less fine and you're never gonna catch me feeling bad for a fucking phrenologist when he compares an indigenous pirate to an animal and the pirate responds by doing what pirates do.

Killing Godfrey was based.

[why-are-all-the-users-taken]

miles has time management problems. He also is extremely time blind and ADHD. So if he starts smth that he's rlly set on he will neglect basic human needs (eating, drinking, going to the bathroom etc) and so normally his mom with make him get up and eat and drink

but imagine rip and Jeff going to some kind of trip for a few days and leaving at home. And Hobie comes over one day and miles is working on smth (idk what prolly a drawing) and Hobie and miles just chat while they each do their own thing.

And then Hobie comes back the next day and miles is in the same spot working on the same thing. And Hobie doesn't think much of except kinda being like "wasn't he in that spot yesterday? " In the back of his mind.

And so the next day hobie comes over again and is like "ok why tf is he still in the same spot, has he even moved?? " and so they're just hanging out and miles is still working on this thing and hobie is like "miles have u moved from that spot since I came over here the other day?" And miles is like "to go to the bathroom a few times ya" and hobie is just like "ok but what abt eating. When's the last time u ate or drank water?" And miles just shrugs and hobie is like "bro-" so he goes and makes miles some food and gets him some water and stuff and basically just makes sure he's not neglecting human needs :)

[zucchinitart]

lil Jeff doodle!! for an insta reel

+ some updated headcanons now that I’ve read his origin story!!—

-he’s actually insane cuz who tf cuts off their own eyelids??? I’d like to think he has moments of sanity though

-16 years old!!! (so ignore every other post I’ve made of him before this 💀 he is now a MINOR!!!!)

-he owns multiple hoodies of the same color…white….

-he regrets cutting off his eyelids because buying eyedrops all the time is starting to get a little expensive considering he has no job

-he steals money from people, but it’s only like $10 every time. Petty theft is his game!!!

-New Jersey accent!!! (based off the Hodek story…it said Jersey in there somewhere so I’m sticking to it 💀)

-he’s a little stupid, but he’s very street smart so that has to count for something

-he misses his brother sometimes, but he always jokes about it whenever someone mentions him

-he’s so fucking rude, what an annoying little shit he is. I imagine he says unnecessary things just to ruin someone’s day

and a lot more!!! What a funny lil guy, I’ve been missing out….i just couldn’t bear to read his story as a kid cuz then I’d have to see his face 💀

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

HIIIIII :>

Can I please request Ben, Puppeteer, Masky, Liu, and Ej with a s/o that has a HUUUGE hello kitty obsession?? Like room is COVERED in hello kitty plushies and all that fun stuff

Summary: Ben, Puppeteer, Masky/Tim, Liu and Eyeless Jack whose s/o is obsessed with Hello Kitty (headcanons)

Genre: Fluff!!

Warnings: None!

A/n: IM SO OBSESSED WITH SANRIO MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS POMPOMPURIN I HAVE THIS GAME ON MY PHONE CALLED HELLO KITTY FRIENDS AND I KID YOU NOT IM SO OBBSESSED WITH THAT GAME THAT WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES TO TRY AND SLEEP I SEE THAT STUPID FUCKING GAME WAHHHHH

Credits: Ben Drowned- Creepypasta, The Puppeteer- Creepypasta, Tim Wright/Masky- Marble Hornets, Homicidal Liu- Creepypasta, Eyeless Jack- Creepypasta, Divider- benkeibear, Pictures- Pinterest

Ben Drowned

Honestly he can't say anything because he's obsessed with Hatsune Miku

He claims its Ironic, but it very obviously isn't

But his obsession with Miku (and vocaloid in general), is NOTHING compared to yours

He loves it though, because it gives you a cute dynamic

Every time he sees anything sanrio related, he thinks of you

It doesn't even have to be Hello Kitty specifically, just any sanrio product

And of course, he HAS to get it for you!

You've gotten sodas, plushies, snacks, earbuds, bags, even wipes

Because of Ben, you have almost anything in a Hello Kitty styled packaging

He likes to "trade" obsessions if that makes sense

For example, you wear a vocaloid shirt and he wears a Hello Kitty shirt

Complimenting each other's interests makes him so happy idk

And he DEFINETLY has some form of Hello Kitty merch himself

Whether it be something that you don't like any more, something you just don't have room for, etc, he has SOMETHING

And it makes him so giddy to know that a little bit of you will always be with him no matter what

Jeff makes fun of him for wearing your old Hello Kitty backpack, but he doesn't care because it smells like you, and it carries everything he needs so perfectly <3

He lobes his hello kitty partner

God forbid you break up, because ANYTHING Sanrio related will send him into a meltdown (fucking weirdo)

The Puppeteer

He's a very obsessive lover, so anything you like, he likes

When he sees your Hello Kitty obsession he immediately begins his research

He will learn all Sanrio characters, all characters closely related Hello Kitty, any lore in the universe, official merch, etc

He will fr pull up dripped tf out in hello kitty merch

The shoes, the pants, the shirt, maybe even a hat

You will giggle and kiss his chin, asking what he's doing

And he will shyly ask if you like it teehee

Your obsession is now OUR obsession

Well, with him it's less obsessed with Hello Kitty itself, more so him obsessed with whatever he thinks will make you like him more

You will literally be cuddling or just hanging out and he'll quote hello kitty to impress you

He's trying his best ok, just kiss him and tell him he's doing good

Masky

Your obsession kind of scares him

Not like, in a "omg this is so unhealthy :(" way, because he literally couldn't care less what you're into

He just gets scared of all the DOLLS

Oh my lord the amount of hello kitty dolls you have freaks him out

It's something about how all of them are the exact same thing, just over and over again

The sheer amount of them combined with the similarities between the dolls just weirds him out and gives him a chill up his spine

Good luck getting him to come into your room

He will refuse to unless you're like, sick or something

Other than that, he will not tolerate it

And this is a brave guy! He doesn't typically get scared of dolls, but idk man hello kitty just ain't it

Despite all this, he still loves getting you gifts with Hello Kitty

He knows how much you like it, and just because it freaks HIM out doesn't mean he's gonna not allow you to enjoy it

He won't actively participate in wearing merch like the other guys

He's definetly more of a "hold your plush bag while you go to the bathroom" type guy

Sorry pookies :(

Homicidal Liu

He doesn't get quite as into it as other's on this list might

He's more of a "Oh well I'm happy you've found something that makes you happy :)"

If you asked him to do something like match outfits he'd accept though!

He loves getting to do things like that with you, little stuff but it makes you both happy

He gives all your plushies different names and personalities

Maybe if you ask him nice enough he'll knit them little clothes and scarves...

He also loves to use the plushies to get what he wants

For example, if he wants to go out with you and you say something along the lines of "but im so tireeed" he'll grab a Kitty plush and begin "talking" to it

"Do you hear this? They say they're too tired to go get yummy food with me" He'll lift the toy up to his ear, nodding as if it's whispering something to him before going "I know! I was thinking we could go to their favorite restaurant too! Such a shame"

You'll scoff and roll your eyes playfully, while he brings the toy to your face making obnoxious kissing noises as if the toy is kissing you

Once your laughter fit dies down, he'll ask if you really just wanna stay home or go out

He will happily accept whatever response you give

Eyeless Jack

He is a lot like Liu when it comes to your obsession

More so just a "Oh good for you :)" type guy

He loves to just show up with random things

For example, he will knock on your door before opening it, and silently waving around a little trinket he thought you'd like

He loves seeing your face light up as you rush to come get the gift and kiss him over and over

It makes him feel extra giddy when he "earns" kisses

So expect a lot of gifts

And if you don't give him a kiss one time, he will pout until you do kiss him

grrr give that boy a smooch he loves them

[stobotnikworld]

UPDATE: Who tf is this??? X'D Did Carrey just stalk my work??? Is that you Lee?

Edit: Seriously who the fuck is this??? Someone called beepbeepitsme has given me Kudos on my work - then removed it (unless that AO3 being a dick), and they have one bookmark from the Sonic fandom. In fact one bookmark ONLY, and that's a Christmas fic.

Do you remember this? Lee Majdoub talking about this Christmas fanfic? And I wondered if it was an early spoiler for the Sonic 3 film to see what fans would think?

So this isn't the same fanfic that was written for Lee Majdoub by one of his fans... but it has been very, very well written... Like, eerily well written.

Guys, are you just being cunts on my work or is this someone worth watching?? Someone rather special and deranged? If you get my drift lol.

At this point Jeff Fowler is like

---

So someone called jimkuak has just bookmarked my work recently on AO3, and has 32 bookmarks since the day I have been writing...

Like, is that is not suspicious as fuck??

The worse the fanfiction gets, the more Carrey seems to get involved with winding the fans up somewhere or other.

I mean.. I'm joking I'm sure it's probably a fan on here somewhere but.. wouldn't that be hilarious if he and Lee were stalking my work, because it was right out there and were like yeahhhh lets see how fast we can cause Jeff Fowler to have an aneurism or something before the film comes out??

I mean.. I was looking at it for so long and I was like.. something doesn't feel right here. I'm literally dying X'D

I don't know whether to be embarrassed at the thought he's seen more of my private thoughts (at their shittiest writing level) than my husband has, or find it hysterical that he's that much of a cunt to Jeff Fowler hahaha.

Seriously, I'm pretty sure it's a fan I've seen on here somewhere before. But cmon, lets keep the joke going as long as possible, it's funny as fuck.

And I'm probably out of my mind here, because I have flu symptoms again and I'm really feverish so prob get an inbox from someone like, dude wtf... it's ME, you know it's me we talk all the time, and I'll be like OHHHHHHH

My sense of reality right now hahahaha

Ohhh fucking hell...